What Price Loyalty?

I'm cheap, at times painfully, absurdly cheap. It's all my dad's fault. I am not besmirching his memory in saying that. He's was notably, colossally, heralded-in-song-and-story cheap.

But this is about me.

I love my tech. I do. I sat on the couch the other night with two laptops, an iPad, and an iPhone all going. I was using them all.

So when Apple announced the new iPhone. I looked. I coveted. I looked a lot. Cause it's so pretty. Sooooo pretty. Space grey is the new black.

But I love my iPhone. I loved my Blackberry before it and was slow to part with it. But I would marry my iPhone. I would adopt my iPad, but I would marry my IPhone. I know we could live happily ever after.

And so the notion of divorcing my iPhone 4S to run away with a space grey 5S feels frivolous and disloyal. Plus, kids in college... I know I shouldn't spend money on a new pretty phone to replace a perfectly functioning and almost (but not quite! Shh!) equally pretty iPhone.

Of course, I do qualify for an upgrade. (Thanks Verizon!) That means the new phone is only $199. Not bad.

And my 4S, should I choose to part with it, is worth $200 in trade-in.

Now you're thinking, that's a no-brainer, right?

Well maybe that's how your brain works, not mine.

To be honest, there is a $30 activation fee that I didn't mention. Plus, the connector is different. At minimum, I'd need to buy one extra cord. $29. And a case. The case is important. A phone is an accessory and the outfitting of said accessory matters. A lot.

Which brings to mind my iPhone 4S with its snappy and oh-so-appropriate "The Great Gatsby" cover. One of my five favorite books. Original cover art (not some vaguely tacky art from the largely bad movie adaptation.) And now, the case is out of print.

Houston, we have a problem.

Despite the exceptional beauty of the 5S, it does require a case. Clearly, not just any case will do.

But. I found one. It's delightful. It's literate. It's a case I'd be proud to have you read and admire for the beauty of its language. I bought it. It's sitting on the kitchen table.

Empty.

The iPhone 5S is currently sold out.

Life on Deadline

"Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don’t know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It’s that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don’t know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless."

 --Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky

Thank god for deadlines.

Seriously. Where would we be without them?

A looming deadline may have been the final push to prompt our elected representatives (Am I the only one finding that word uncomfortable of late? Representative? Um, whatever. Just saying.) to pull their collective heads out of whatever dark place in which they have shoved them. It’s hours before the literal 11^th hour as I write, so it does remain to be seen, I suppose.

Clearly though, the deadline is something in which we place our faith. A government shutdown. A looming debt crisis. And yet, the markets continue to function with no significant indication of impending catastrophe. Most of the commentators acknowledge that things will get done “at the deadline.” “They always do.”

America is indeed a deadline-based culture. “What’s your deadline?” “Tell me your absolute latest…” “When do you gotta have it?” Because… you’re sure as hell not getting it five minutes before then. The deadline. For even the most cautious among us, it’s the edge we live on.

I remember a job interview from my younger days. The old guy in the room was asking about deadlines, and how I would deal with the staff in that regard. Certainly there would be special accommodations, he seemed to suggest. I smiled and talked about the difference between “deadlines” and “drop deadlines.” One I could control, one I could not. It must have been a good enough answer. I got the job, and we were pals my three years there.

At times, I can’t imagine what we would get done without deadlines. I’ve laughed and called myself a deadline girl for years. As far back as college, the deadline needed to be in my face before it had much effect. It’s not for two days, and you’re asking me about it now? The hell? On occasion I’ll open a file and find that I’ve taken care of something way in advance, far, far from the deadline. It always surprises me.

Looking at the productivity that bursts forth at the deadline, I wonder what we might do if life had a deadline.

It does of course. Death is always looming. As the economist John Maynard Keynes said, “In the long run, we are all dead.” But we sure don’t live that way. There’s a lot more Scarlett O’Hara in us. “I’ll think of it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.”

I’ve never had the urge to jump on the DNA testing bandwagon. Surprise me, I thought. I don’t need to know what’s next. It always seemed there was something about knowing what was looming in the distance that might sully the blissfully ignorant present.

But what if we lived life with that deadline clearly articulated before us? The randomness of life might catch a few by surprise, but what of the rest? Some would try to cheat fate. Note to those few. Hubris fails. Don’t believe me? Read Oedipus. Some would never pay attention, perhaps never really believe the truth in front of them. But what of the rest?

How much better would we live our truly brief lives if the deadline were before us? You have two birthdays left. Two summers. One fall. Would our lives be more full? Would our procrastination be less? Or would the final, epic, spectacular burst come right before the deadline?

Because, of course, that’s what we live for.

10 Things I Learned From Fan Fiction

Over the past couple of years, I took a creative leap into the world of fan fiction. (To be honest, it was a second leap, but the first for an audience. In the sixth grade, I embarked upon a sequel to Gone With The Wind. I made it to about 24 pages before putting it aside. That said, I still have it.) Still never pegging myself as creative enough for fiction writing, fan fiction provided the perfect opportunity to toe-dip into the kiddie pool. 

Characters. Check.

Backstory. Check.

The delightful crutch of a built-in audience intimately engaged with both items above… check.

With that, on Jan. 1, 2012, into the shallow water I went. With two years only a short distance on the horizon, the original project continues, complemented by some one-shot stories along the way. More than 100,000 words in, I’m astounded to be 100,000 words in. Seriously, 100,000 words, strung together and still making sense… with people out there who want to read them… Blows. My. Mind.

During these past two years, I’ve learned some things about myself, some about writing, some about reading in my fan fic world that I had never anticipated on Jan. 1, 2012.

1. Fanfic.net will not accept stories written in screenplay format. Seriously, Fanfic.net, what the hell? Are you snobbishly rejecting all of the writing on television, in movies, on theatrical stages because it’s incompatible with your site? Really? Fail. 
2.  Fanfic.net notwithstanding, if you write about characters people love and are invested in, your audience is guaranteed, you need only find the right fan board.
3.  If you write well, readers will come. There are some amazingly good writers out there with day jobs far from the world of writing.
4. If you write poorly, readers will come. Never underestimate the hunger of readers for ever more stories revolving around the characters they love. Subject/verb agreement… it’s your friend, I swear. Try it.
5. There are some fairly bad writers out there with interesting and creative story ideas. In collaboration with a better writer, they might make magic.
6.  If you write smut, your audience will increase exponentially. I haven’t yet dipped my toes into that much deeper pool. Sometimes I wonder how the water is though. Seems like it must be warm, right?
7.  I’m a view whore. Seriously, the number of times I’ll check to see who is reading after I’ve posted a new chapter is borderline embarrassing. I have to almost physically restrain myself from playing games that I know will make that number increase. (Restraining oneself physically is an all but impossible task. Just saying.)
8. See number 6. My view whorishness has not yet overcome some latent Puritan sensibility that keeps me and my writing out of the Smut Hut.
9. I will never, ever cease to be delighted in the fact that someone might choose to read something I’ve written, and even better, to ask for more. Again. Blows. My. Mind.
10. That you’ve made it to number 10 on this list delights me as well. Thank you.